I am a political junkie. While I often write about ideas that are political, I try to not write about republican or democratic politics because to do so would result in the complete and sudden loss of 1/2 of my loyal readers. That's right. Never broach politics or religion in polite dinner conversation or your weekly blog. Those are words to live by. But the fever pitch of this political season has caused me to throw all prudence to the wind. To that end a religious, political, joke; Did you know that religious scholars have recently discovered that Christ lived in Chicago? That's right. They just found an ancient voting roll. It seems he voted in the May primary 39 days after Easter.
These are my 3 earliest political memories. Monday, November 4, 1968, I am walking home from Mrs. Quackenbush's first grade class and two high school kids were running down the street chanting "________, _______, he's our man. We'll throw _____ in the garbage can." Over and over incessantly. I was distraught by the time I got home. The first two blanks were my parent's guy. I go running into the house searching for comfort from mom. "how can they say that about _____? He is such a great man." That is when I learned that "those people didn't have the proper respect for other people". And that "I shouldn't worry because they won't be crowing tomorrow night."
Tuesday, November 3, 1970, I am inconsolable because my father had just gotten back from the Madison county court house and he had lost to that ________. How could people vote for him and not my father? I don't want to hear that it was probably a good thing because dad would be busy with the farm. How could my father who I adored not win a popularity contest. I must admit that my faith was not restored in the democratic process when 6 years later dad's opponent, "the winner" was placed in the pokey for stealing township funds. I suppose that Mr. Nixon was the foreshadowing the public's ability to pick "the winner" between my dad and Mr. Griggs. Cosmic huh?
Tuesday, November 7, 1972, mom is inconsolable because the __________ poll workers would not challenge obvious fraudulent voters who lived outside the precinct. I suppose she was trying to find the number to the secretary of state office to report it. Of course, one of the poll workers was arrested 10 years ago after a long career of voter fraud. Yes for many years, politics were a contact sport in our family. I don't know why but over time mom and dad both mellowed about politics. If they hadn't, I am sure that they would have both been in Florida in 2000 and Minnesota in 2008. We all have our moments.
I am glad that I know that the reason for my party affiliation is because my parents were _______, and people of the other persuasion are just well inferior. But I only feel that way once every couple of years. After that the fever passes and I love everyone.
Well I really need to get to the title of this blog. I am looking for your vote. While I haven't filed the appropriate papers, you can remedy the problem through the time honored institution of the write-in ballot. If in the sanctity of the voting booth, you are faced with choices that you don't want to make. Just write me in. Doesn't really matter what office. If nominated, I will run. If elected, I will serve.
Maybe you are a republican and you don't want to vote for a Secretary of State candidate who can't remember where to vote in the primary and then is too stupid to read the fine print on his campaign material and get the stupid disclaimer on it correctly, but can't bring yourself to vote democrat, write me in. Or maybe you are a democrat and are tired of the family of the democrat state Representative always bragging about "my son the state legislator this; my son the state legislator that." You knew that dweeb in high school and well his character references outside the gene pool aren't that great, but can't bring yourself to vote for Daniel's republican toadie, write me in. I would prefer state-wide office. Fewer residency questions to deal with. But with enough ground swell support; the residency questions can go away. As Otto Bismark said on Sunday, August 11, 1867, "politics is the art of the possible." (I remember that day too. My great-grandmother was beside herself. "That nasty old Prussian was full of himself mixing politics and religion like that.") To my Denmark, Poland and Turkey readers, I apologize. While your following is loyal, I don't believe that we would be able to overcome the "birther's" objections to the violation of your country's constitution for me to serve if elected. (If you don't get that joke don't worry you just aren't a political junkie. If you don't think that joke is funny, don't worry you just have good taste."
I know what you are saying. "I can't vote for you, Roger." "I don't even know what you stand for." You are absolutely right. You can't vote without knowing exactly how a person is going to represent you on the important issues of the day. Why that would just be a silly popularity contest.
Here is what I stand for. Provided to you by my own hand without the help of a ghost-writer. I call it the "Independence Day" platform; after the movie "Independence Day". Here goes. I believe that the government should only work on big a**ed intergalactic weapons and not provide any other assistance, roads, bridges, libraries, schools, health care, research and development, garbage pick up, dog catching, foreign aid, any of that stuff. We the People should have the self-awareness to provide those things for ourselves. That's right. As you can see at the following web-site http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2010/02/01/us/budget.html our budget is just way too complicated. There should be just one column and it should say development of big a**ed intergalactic weapons $3.69 trillion. That $3.69 trillion wisely invested now will provide great dividends by the time our annihilators arrive unless they arrive next year.
I can hear you. "Visionary", your saying. You're darned right. Because someday ET's evil twin is going to come down here and be wanting to eat our young and our middle aged. (I suppose the old will be too tough to eat. I never see them getting eaten in the movies.) And we won't have any big a**ed intergalactic weapons to take out their force fields and their humongous mother ships that block out the sun. Thanks to Jeff Goldbloom, Will Smith, and Randy Quaid giving away the $42 million plan of infecting the mother ship with a virus while driving a captured scout ship and then letting the war-damaged, drunken, pilot earn redemption by driving an F16 into it's exposed "heart"; plan A is out. So we have to start working on plan B. which is put all of our resources into hiring the Chinese, Indian, and Japanese scientists, programmers and manufacturers to build big a**ed intergalactic weapons.
Why the Chinese, Indian, and Japanese out-sourcing? Well some would say we have already lost the "battles" that count.
Take care
Roger.
If you like it, pass it around. I enjoy a crowd.
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