Pigtails are forever?

Dearest Blog Reader.

I hope that this finds you doing well. I am fine. I am trapped inside with cold weather; waiting for the sun to melt the little snow, that fell last night in an unexpected squall, from the road so that I can get a good ride in. As I sit here, I am contemplating the 10 boxes of pigtails on the kitchen table. “Pigtails” is my affectionate nickname of compact fluorescent bulbs; the squiggly cork screw reminding me of a pig’s tail. I suppose that if I a bit more precise in my nicknaming processes, I would call them albino pigtails. However, the nicknaming exercise has never been one of precision. For example, while called chief, I have never worn an elaborately plumed headdress.

Back to the boxes of pigtails on the kitchen table; these are the culmination of a Costco trip by the lovely Beverly. As she came around the corner, passing the samples of pulled pork, a cheesy sandwich wonder, and a small splash of coffee, they were laid out in spectacular display; box upon box, row upon row. A banner is spread above proudly proclaiming that with the rebate, each box is only a dollar. One dollar for four bulbs, two bits for a quad, is a deal that is hard to ignore. According to the box, for this one dollar, you will be able to excite photons for 40,000 hours. 40,000 hours of illumination for 100 pennies. That is 4.5 years of 24 hours a day lighting. That is impressive.

Let’s see here; 4.5 years a box. “How many boxes did you get Bev?” The silence spoke volumes. One, two, threee, fourr, five, sixxxx, sevinnnnn, eighttttttt, nineeeeeee, tennnnnnnn. We got 10 boxes of pigtails. That is 400,000 hours of photon excitement. 45 years in the light. Amazing. It is a good thing that I have just passed the 1/3 marker post of the race of my life. I am making a note, just in case I find myself standing in Costco wondering how many lights we need to illumine our path through old age. We will need 12 boxes of lights at the age of 95. That should just about do it. We should get to 150 illuminated.

Sensing that a 45 year supply of light bulbs may be perceived as a bit much, Bev quickly leapt to her own defense. “We have a lot sockets. It’s not like we will only burn one light at a time, doggedly unplugging a lamp, moving from room to room in search of an outlet.” “Of course not,” I respond. “We have to have two lamps. We have to leave one of the two plugged in at all times in order be able to find the outlet when moving from room to room in the classic leapfrog maneuver.” I found out that wasn’t what she meant at all. She meant putting one of the pigtails in all of the 30 or so sockets through out the house. If that is the case, it is completely possible that the one we put behind the knee wall in the attic where we store the Christmas decorations and keep the digital TV antenna will still be viable long after the world is wiped out by a meteorite striking in Siberia.

It is nice to know that future highly evolved cockroaches will have the opportunity to stumble upon this lost technology and be left in frustration when they turn on the light in a cold house and have to wait 15 minutes while the phosphorus molecules become excited enough to emit little bundles of light.

We all have that something don’t we? Well at least everyone in the Sharritt household have that something; that something that you just can’t get enough of. It appears to be pigtail florescent light bulbs for Bev. For me, it is utility knives. I cannot get enough of them. I need one at arms length at all times. Who knows when a box with particularly tough packing tape may arrive from the tightest ship in the shipping business? The only thing standing between you and that new Lands End coat may be that 1 inch retractable razor sharp blade. There is another bonus to owning tons of utility knives. If all of the utility knives are lying around your house and workshop, then jihadists maybe thwarted in their evil attempts at mayhem.

I have to admit that I am also partial to flashlights, tomato product, and toilet paper. But the toilet paper is totally legit. When I was growing up, there were times when the supply at home ran out and we were forced to using leaves, corn cobs, and other products in “off label” use so to speak. I and my sisters were permanently scarred. Scarring that runs so deep that in one case an entire closet was tasked to hold only this most precious of commodities. So for Bev, the thing is energy saving long lasting light bulbs.

It is good to know that as long as the electrical grid is intact the Sharritt household can leave the light on for you.

Take care,

Roger

This just in; I just read the fine print the 10,000 hour average life is “based on normal household use of 3 hours a day. These bulbs last up to 10,000 hours.” This is very disappointing. It would appear, if I am understanding their convoluted advertising bs, that the bulbs last for 1.5 years when burning 3 hours a day. Well, in that case, we’d better get back to Costco.

Take care,

Roger.