Dearest Blog Reader:
I hope this finds you doing well. I am doing okay. It is funny.
This blog started out one direction and ended up here. I think that the first
direction was better, but we are here. Now, I have ideas for the next two
blogs. We will see if they have staying power, and I will let you go on with
what came out.
Politics is the other thing that is driving me closer to the
edge. Yesterday, I was setting inside of my cold, cold house. What will it take
to get Bev to put the flannels back on the bed? I cannot stop the madness. She
becomes more recalcitrant with every frosty morning, every frostbitten fruit bud
hardens her resolve. "Let them eat fruitless cake," she declares as I
plead hopelessly.
Yes, a political push poll is just what I needed to make
this gray cold day more exciting and to remind myself why I suddenly am less
tolerant of those around me who hold different opinions. It's not the cold
weather. It's not my general intolerance of people inferior to me. No, I am
being influenced by political puppet masters for their own nefarious purposes.
For those non-hoosiers in "You said what? Roger" nation, Indiana
A quick note to all of my beloved
blog readers in the 3rd world, rather than change leadership in the time
honored way of bloody assassinations and coups, we simply go out and try to
assassinate our enemy's character. It provides a couple of advantages. First,
it allows the vanquished the opportunity to go out and make a living
facilitating gifts and bribes between the winners and their supplicants.
Second, the first advantage secured, the rest of us don't have to look at the
widow and children with their little tear streaked faces and be reminded of the
whole sordid affair.
But low and behold while the presidential candidate
selection process has been settled, the mudslingers are out on the public
square trying to decide on the republican candidate for US Senate. That is why my gray, rainy, cold Saturday afternoon was
brightened. I received a call from a lovely sounding pollsteresta asking me for
my opinions surrounding this election. I love these calls. I keep a list of all
of the polls that I participate in with my answers. Then when another call
comes in I answer 90 degrees out of phase so it messes up all the numbers.
While I am usually able to amuse myself and find each poll
worthwhile on its own merits, this poll was extra special. Having identified
the candidates as Dick Lugar and Richard Murdock and confirming that I was
likely to vote "come hell or high water", (Funny thing is "come
hell or high water isn't a valid choice. So I had to settle on "Damned
straight I am very likely to vote in the Republican Primary." "Come
hell or high water." “Sir, that would be a very likely; correct?” Compromise;
I love it.) She asked me, "Are you voting for Dick or Richard."
Somehow she said Dick in such a way that my inner eight year old started to
laugh.
Of course, I maybe imagining things, but I am pretty sure
that she did put that special little emphasis on the D; that and the fact that
she suddenly started using only their first names; not Dick Lugar or Richard
Murdock, but Dick or Richard. I think the sudden switch and subtle emphasis was
intentional. I don’t think that I am imagining it. It was very noticeable. I
wasn’t paying any attention and suddenly I was. Because at that moment, I was concentrating on
timing my ebay bid so that I could win the one bike dodad that I need to be as
fast as Lance Armstrong. No it wasn't a syringe. Be nice.
I had my finger poised. 15, 14, ready, 13, 12, 11, and hit .
. . "Vote for Dick or Richard?"
I am not very proud of my response, but I was taken by surprise. I was
on the verge of securing an extra 1/2 mile per hour and she said Dick or
Richard. Suddenly, I blurted out, "well aren't they both Dicks?"
How did she do that? How did she make two people with the
same name sound so different? One tiny little inflection and my 8 year old
lizard brain totally took over. There is no way that I was going to vote for a
Dick when I had a Richard as a choice. Forget that Dick has had a long and distinguished
career as the Honorable Senator from Indiana
That’s they way with politics. We say we are going to vote
for the most qualified, the statesman, the best person for the job. We say that
we know all of the issues. For those two of you who really do. I congratulate
you. How does it feel to have your well reasoned, logically concluded voting decision
nullified by a grown man using his 8 year old brain to pick any old lever because
he still giggles when someone uses a slang word describing . . . ? Well you
know what I’m talking about. I feel for you I really do.
This is how we do it. We vote on intuition. We vote on
impressions. That’s why we voted for that good for nothing football jock for
class president in high school. It is a popularity contest. It is what it is. That
is why we reward the person who goes out an does the best job assassinating the
other candidate’s character. Well
everyone except you two high minded individuals who vote based on the issues.
So as May 8 quickly approaches. I will try to set aside all
of my preconceived notions, try to be logical, and fair minded, and when I
enter that voting booth try to vote for the right “Richard.”
Take care,
Roger
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